You over-react and you know it. You’ve prayed about it. Cried about it. Blown off steam on social media about it. And still you struggle. So what do you do? Read this post and learn the top3 ways to stop over-reacting. (See 3 point list at the bottom of this post)

One moonlight night, when I was about 12 years old, there was a HUGE SPIDER in the middle of my bedroom floor. I should have been asleep already, and so the lights were off, but the moon shone in through the bedroom window just enough that I could see the quarter-size arachnid, poised on my off-white Berber carpet.

Since my room was in the basement of the house, and since it was well past midnight, I knew there was no point in yelling for help. If I was going to be free from an attack of the black, horror-movie-size-spider it was going to be up to me.

Ever so carefully, I peeled back my covers, and crouched into a pounce position. My plan was to surprise the evil insect that had invaded my room, by striking it with one intense blow from my slipper…,

Only, in the dim shadowiness of my room, I could not clearly see where my slipper was. So after several long minutes of heart pounding contemplation, I came to the realization that I would have to step onto the floor, and risk the spider’s attack, in order to get to the light switch across the room.

After several more minutes of sheer panic, cold sweats, and prayer, I made a daring leap across the room to the light switch, whirled around to quickly locate my slipper, and then… and then…

…and then discovered there was not a beastly spider at all in the middle of my room, but rather a knotted up ball of black thread.

A measly ball of black thread had threatened me. Tormented me. Made me break out in sweats.

Reality Versus Perception

The reality was that what I perceived to be a threat, was no threat at all. My presumptions and imaginations were just that. Presumptions and imaginations. The reality was it was a stinkin’ ball of thread. Yet my off-kilter perception caused me to have wild, crazy, ideations, which left me completely paralyzed, and temporarily phobic.

And sometimes what we think is a tragic mistreatment, or a personal injustice, is really a misperception… a lifeless ball of thread, that we have imagined into a flesh-eating arachnid.

Perhaps that is why the scripture admonishes, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)

In my experience, it’s the leaning on our own understanding that gets us into trouble.

Reality Versus Truth

Consider some of these scenarios that you may have experienced:

• Someone else is picked for the solo, despite your fabulous audition. You perceive the one chosen must have special favor with the choir director. But the reality is that your tone and style just isn’t a match for that particular piece.

• You walk into a fast-food joint to grab a quick bite. There is a group of teenagers that burst out laughing, and appear to look your way. You perceive that they are laughing at you because your hair’s a mess, and you are feeling frumpy. But the reality is they didn’t even have a clue that you had entered the room. They were laughing at a joke one of them had told, and they were looking around in embarrassment for being so noisy.

• Two coworkers are whispering by the watercooler. You walk up and they stop abruptly. You perceive that they are talking about you, but the reality is that one was confiding in the other about a mistake they had made on the monthly report. They were worried that people would find out before the error could be corrected. You walking up had nothing to do with you at all, but simply that the matter itself was very delicate and the less people that knew about it the better.

Our Understanding Versus God’s

Lean NOT to THINE OWN understanding… but rather God’s…

Think about it. If in each of the above scenarios, you didn’t react or jump to conclusions, you would have realized that you were dealing with a ball of thread, instead of a spider.

I have learned in my own situations, that more times than not, my perceptions are off because of either my own low self-esteem, my monthly cycle of hormone havoc, or I have allowed my prayer and Bible reading to slip.

The Top 3Ways to Stop Over-Reacting

So what’s a person to do? How do we stop reading more into situations than are really there? Here are my top three ways to stop over-reacting:

1. Trust the Sovereignty of God. Regularly remind yourself that ultimately it is God who is in charge of all people, and all situations. If you are His blood bought child, then according to scripture, there is absolutely nothing that can touch your life that hasn’t first gotten permission from God to do so. Remember, it is God that turns the necks of kings. That sets one up and takes another down. That numbers the hairs on your head. That knit you together in your mother’s womb. That appointed the day of your birth, and knows the day of your death. God is absolutely sovereign in every part of your life. In friendships, in marriage, in your job, in your health, in your finances. There is not an area of your life that the Almighty God does not preside over.Scriptures on the sovereignty of God

2. Pay Attention to the Themes of Your Over-Reactions. Do your over-reactions seem to center around jealousy? Not being picked for the team? Unfairness? Competitiveness? Low self-esteem? If you really, truly want to stop-overreacting, then you must be willing to shine a light on your heart to see what is in there that might cause you to over-react in certain situations. For example, because my basic personality temperament is Sanguine/Choleric I am hard-wired for validation and recognition. When I am operating out of the stronger side of my temperament, I am content with my approval coming from God alone. But when I am operating out my weaker side, I am easily wounded when I perceive that my talents and gifting’s are not recognized by those I deem important. So in order to keep myself from getting sucked into the trap of over-reaction, I must be intentional with my prayer, Bible meditation, and fasting to overcome my innate craving to be adored and appreciated. (It’s painful to admit this… but necessary)

3. Tell One Trusted Person. If after applying the above steps, your spirit is still vexed with antagonistic feelings about a situation, then confess your struggle to one trusted friend. One – not many. This is not the kind of thing to blubber about on social media, or over coffee with a few friends. Doing that will only draw sympathy, and drive you further into self-absorption, and the over-reaction trap. If you are serious about spiritual growth and your own emotional well-being, then it is important that you identify someone who will keep your confidence, and sincerely pray with you about your need. I believe that is what James had in mind when he admonished the New Testament church to “confess their faults one to another, that they may be healed…” (James 5:16).

If these three ways to stop over-reacting has helped you, please share with a friend. Many times, those who struggle with over-reaction are silent sufferers, soyou never know who you may be helping.

And if you have more suggestions to add to these three ways to stop over-reacting, I’d love to hear about them! I am sure there are many more ways that I have not even thought of.

Let’s Pray:

Lord Jesus, please forgive us for our human tendency to over-react. Help us to clearly see what just a ball of thread is and what truly requires us to be concerned. Please keep the enemy of our soul from trying to capitalize on weaknesses and our tendency towards over-reacting. In your precious name, Amen.