Obedient Faith

I took a couple of days off of work this week because initially I was going to attend a writer’s conference. But, as the time for the conference grew closer, my spirit was unsettled. I felt no direction or confirmation from God. Normally, I feel a deep peace or a clear impression of how to prepare for such an event. But I felt nothing. No peace. No inkling of what editors to seek out, what classes to take, or which articles I’ve written to bring with me.

The silence was deafening and frustrating.

My first inclination was to talk to all my friends about it, ie, ‘what do you think I should do?‘ But, I’ve learned from past experience, that the more opinions I seek, the more confused I get. So instead, I discussed it with my husband, and we ultimately decided that I’d attend one day of the four day conference.

We made this decision in part because money is a little tight, but also because neither one of us had a sense that this was something God had for me at this time.

But even after we agreed I’d attend the one day I still felt uneasy, unsure, and not excited at all. This type of response was so out of character for me. Normally, the idea of attending such a conference would have had me pinging off the walls with anticipation.

But I wasn’t. Instead, I felt anxious and frustrated.

Anxious because I wasn’t sensing God’s blessing in my decision. Frustrated because God wasn’t telling me how to prepare for the one day I planned to attend.

So in the end I chose not to go. Why? For three reasons:

• Because I’ve learned from past experience that when I push my way for something it never turns out the way I expected it to.

• Because I don’t want to attempt anything without feeling God’s pleasure, anointing, and favor.

• Because my grandfather always said “If there’s a reason to doubt it, there’s a reason not to do it.”

Pretty good guidelines for making a lot of decisions, I think. Don’t you?

Now, I’m sure when I meet with my writer’s critique group this month, and they all tell me about the great things that happened for them at the writer’s conference I might feel a twinge of jealousy. But ultimately, I’ll be able to rejoice with them for God’s goodness to them. And I’ll smile to myself knowing that:

“What He does now, I don’t know, but someday I will!” (John 13:37)