Sometimes, even in the best of relationships, conflict happens.
The wrong tone of voice is used.
Sarcasm goes too far.
Personal boundaries are tramped on.
And graces are taken advantage of.
It’s happened to all of us.
Depending on the depth and dynamics of the breach, we either move on or carry the breach within us like sediment at the bottom of a murky lake.
Say, for example, the breach was with the person who stole the parking space you were waiting for. You might get angry for a few minutes, maybeeven exchange a heated gesture or two, but in the whole grand scheme of your life’s relationships, a parking lot fray is just that – a fray. No real big deal.
But if the breach is with a co-worker, then the ante goes up. You need to interact with them in order to do your job. You may not have an emotional attachment to the person you are at odds with, but in order to function at work, thereneeds to be a healthy amount of interchange. Contention can make that difficult.
If the breach is with one of your primary relationships like a spouse, child, or parent, then it generally is all-consuming. The ‘how could they’s’ or ‘how dare they’s’ invade your emotional core like a disaster siren blaring in your neighborhood warning of animpending tornado.
Your instincts tell you to take cover, yet you stand still hoping you and your loved one will reconcile. That your relationship will improve. That mutual respect and understanding will prevail.
But that isn’t always the case; and, sometimes, we are left with trying to navigate heart-wrending breaches while maintaining a semblance of joy and functionality.
So what do we do in the meantime?
PRAY
When I am upset about something someone has done to me, the first thing I do is to talk to God about it. He is my first line of defense against overreacting and saying or doing more than I should about the situation. It is amazingly effective and brings things into perspective quickly.
For example, not long ago I was upset about something my boss did. I felt a decision she made about a situation was unfair. But instead of grumbling about it, I bowed my head and ‘told on her to God’. Honestly, like a little kid running to their daddy about a playmate who wouldn’t share the sandbox, I tattled on my boss to Jesus.
As I was whining to God about the perceived injustice, Romans 13 was quickened to my mind:
“Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. …Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.”
Ouch.
Let EVERY SOUL be SUBJECT unto the higher powers? For there is NO POWER BUT OF GOD?
That means that God placed my boss in authority over me; therefore, I needed to accept that, quit complaining, and honor God’s sovereignty in the matter by humbly complying.
READ THE BIBLE
By making Bible reading a daily habit in my life, my mind ‘bank’ is filled with God’s truth. Since I have deposited so many scriptures into my memory, it is easier for God to ‘withdraw’ or bring to the forefront appropriate scripture when I need it to remind me of God’s opinion on the matter.
PRACTICE THE FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”(Galatians 5:22-23)
Training myself to practice – to implement the fruits of the spirit in my day-to-day life helps me to respond more appropriately when my feelings are hurt. Because the habit of goodness has been formed in me, there is a reservoir of goodness memories for me to draw from and hopefully tap into when unpleasantness invades my relationships.
I like the way The Message explains the fruits of the spirit:
“But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.”(Galatians 5:22-23, from The Message)
What about you?
How do you handle relationship problems in your life?
Have you experienced breaches in your work or personal life?
Leave a comment and share your insights so that we all may learn and grow.