I have found that my ability to cope or not to cope often boils down to how well I manage my self-care. If I have prepared well with proper rest, nutrition, exercise, and prayer, I cope surprisingly well. If, however, I slide in my self-care, my ability to cope is seriously impaired, and I tend to operate out of the weaker side of my personality temperament.
And for me, this can really be quite unnerving because the weak side of my Sanguine personality is (among other things) oversensitivity.
Ugh, oversensitivity.
This means that if someone looks at me cross-eyed, I might cry. It also means that I can read way too much into every delayed text response, or missed handshake. The weak side of my Sanguine personality needs assurance, approval, affirmation. So, if I am not careful, any perceived slight is a rejection. This is difficult to admit. And not pretty at all. Especially so when you consider that I am a leader in both my church community and secular job.
Thankfully, prayer and maturity has taught me to keep my mouth shut, and take my sensitivities to God. But, as my 10 year-old granddaughter once said when I complimented her on her good behavior: “You have no idea what’s going on in my brain.”
This is very embarrassing to admit, yet needful. For in the sharing, I keep myself honest about my weaknesses, and find the desire to keep working towards strengthening my personality strengths.
I have one avid reader who knows me personally, and every time I bare all like this she will say “Sister Goff, I just can’t imagine you doing this.”
Well, imagine it. I am flesh and blood and full of hormones and weaknesses just like everyone else. The only difference between someone we admire and ourselves, is that perhaps that someone we admire, has come to terms with their weaknesses and diligently seeks the Lord’s help in trying to overcome them.
So just how do we stay on top of those to cope or not to cope situations?
KNOW YOURSELF – KNOW OTHERS
Shakespeare had it right when he said, “to thine ownself true”. We need to really know ourselves and be willing to closely and prayerfully examine our personality strengths and weaknesses.
I highly recommend studying the four temperaments and identifying which one you are. This will give you a much better understanding of how you contribute to your world… and how you detract from it. It will also help you to better appreciate those whom the Lord has chosen for to you labor alongside.
For example, my husband is a Phlegmatic. His personality strength is stability and peacemaker. For this reason he makes a great mediator and is quite adept at handling difficult situations. He also has the ability to be emotionally uninvolved. This means that he doesn’t get caught up in all the drama that can occur in a conflict situation.
These qualities in my husband are a perfect balance to my oversensitivity. If I get my nose out of joint, and vent about something to him, his standard response is “Who cares?” Because to him, other people’s emotional reactions are not anything to bother about. No matter what the problem is, he usually just let’s it roll off his back. Of course this is maddening to me because I am the extreme opposite. I care waaayyy too much about other people’s emotional reactions and often exhaust myself trying to be the “feelings barometer” in the room.
Another realization that reflection has taught me is that most of my close girlfriends have been of the Choleric temperament. Their is something about their diligence and fortitude that makes me feel safe, steady, and confident. Feelings that on my own I bounce in and out of. So I guess I gravitate towards their personality strengths to somehow make me feel more complete.
But what I have discovered through knowing myself and knowing others is that when my Choleric friends and I are operating out of our personality strengths, we compliment each other. But when we are working out of our personality weaknesses, we frustrate one another. Their Choleric brutishness can crush my Sanguine over-sensitivity. But conversely, my emotional neediness has the ability to send my choleric friends to the moon.
But by knowing ourselves and knowing each other, we each have the potential to strengthen our strengths by allowing the other to sharpen us through the weaknesses each evokes in us. We learn about ourselves, and we discover what another’s actions trigger in us. And in so doing we have the opportunity to come before the Holy Spirit and ask for His help. Perhaps this is what Proverbs 27:17 was referring to:
“Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”
Evaluate, Assess, Determine
When you know that you have a to cope or not to cope week ahead of you, evaluate what’s on your agenda, assess how you will accomplish what needs to be done, and determine to shore up your self-disciplines so as to be able to function at your best.
Martin Luther, that great Protestant Reformationist had it right when he said:
“I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.”
Oh that we would learn to do this! To pray, and linger until we felt empowered to handle every detail, every challenge, and every personality weakness. Think of the effect extended prayer would have on each of us as we learn to strengthen our strengths.
What about you? What personality temperament are you? What is your greatest strength? What weakness do you have that I can help you pray about? (You already know mine… so please pray with me for me to become less sensitive and more self-disciplined.)
May you have a week full of joy, peace, and the ability to cope!!
Be blessed.