GRIEF RECOVERY: Staying Current In Relationships

The Grief Recovery Handbook® talks a lot about staying current in your relationships. Current as in communicating regularly, being proactive in clearing up any miscommunications, and coming to terms with your less-than-loved ones. But how do youdo that when the one you need to stay current in your relationship withis dead? As a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, a hospice employee, and a minister’s wife, I have stood beside many hurting family members asking this very same question.

• The woman in her 30’s who lingered at her mother’s casket long after everyone else was gone andrepeatedly moaned,”Why didn’t you love me?”

• The 80-year-old who was still deeply grieving from, when at 12 years old, her parents told her they were going on family vacation but instead dropped her off at a boarding school and continued on with her younger sister.She was never allowed to come home again, noteven for holidays.

• The daughter who cared for her institutionalized mother for 60 years, bringing her home on weekends, and giving up much of her own liberty and happiness, only to be rejected by her mother’s family for not “doing enough.”

The stories are many and varied, and often so morose, or so unique, that in order to maintain confidentiality, I cannot share the details. But in every case, the individual was either not able or not capable of staying current in their relationship and therefore has spent a lifetime carrying within them the excruciating pain of unresolved grief.

These Walking Wounded Grievers are CEO’s, waitresses, and mothers and fathers and grandparents who go about their day-to-day lives functioning as best they can but always feeling within themselves that something just isn’t quite right.

“I wake up every morning feeling like I’ve been sucker punched,” one griever told me.

So what can be done?

For those of us who want to stay current in our relationshipswiththe living, the Bible offers a simple yet profound solution:

“Be angry. And don’t sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.” (Ephesians 4:26)

In other words, say what needs to be said. Do what needs to be done. No matter how uncomfortable or distressing it may be. While there is breath in each of you there is a very real opportunity for forgiveness, for happiness, for fulfillment. Don’t think you have another day or another time. You may not. None of us is promised tomorrow.

“How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog – it’s here a little while and then gone.” (James 4:14)

For those who want to complete the pain of unresolved grief from notbeing able to staycurrent in your relationship with someone who has passedconsider looking into the Grief Recovery Method®. In the Grief Recovery Method®, with the help of a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, there is a very specific process that offers incredible tools that can bring completeness and relief. (If you are interested in knowing more, visit the Grief Recovery tab on my website. www.dsimlergoff.com)

With the Christmas holiday just two weeks away, let’s prayerfully consider staying current in all of our relationships – even the difficult ones.

I would like to join with you in prayer for the relationships that you want to stay current in. Please either leave a comment with a prayer request or send me a private message. Together with Christ we can do this!