Who has mistreated you in your life? Who angers you? What injustices have you suffered?
I ask you these questions not to upset you or bring back painful memories, but to help you realize that we all have suffered at the hands of another in some form or fashion.
How do I know this?
Because we are human.
We are fallen, sinful creatures that ooze with selfishness.
Often, it is our base selfishness that causes us to wound one another.
I’ve done it. You’ve done it. Those we categorize as our enemies have done it. It’s the ME, MYSELF and I syndrome that drives us to step on others in our quest for success, the last word, or fairness.
Of course, God’s way is just the opposite. He commands us to put others first, to serve them, to love them and do good to them….even the ones who have sliced and diced our hearts:
“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;” (Matthew 5:44)
“But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.” (Luke 6:35)
So how do we accomplish this when our enemies are so toxic?
I’m grappling with the answer to this question myself.
There is a person in my life that consistently attacks me verbally.
Whenever I see one of their emails in my inbox, I usually let it sit a day or two before opening it because I never know if it’s going to contain a fresh barrage of accusations or a kind word.
For me, looking at the subject line and contemplating if I want to read it’s contents is like looking at a bottle of poison and trying to decide if I want to drink it. Rarely are their comments edifying. Even if they start off being edifying, it’s usually a ploy to draw me in so I’ll let my guard down.
Yet, Jesus says to love them.
Do good to them.
Show them compassion.
Go out of my way to be kind to them.
And even to speak well of them to others.
Well, I’ve tried all these things over the last 10 years with this particular person,
but it didn’t improve the relationship.
I then dug even deeper into the scripture to see what else God wanted from me and came across this scripture:
“When a man’s ways please the LORD, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him.” (Proverbs 16:7)
OUCH!
Now, I don’t think this means that we have enemies because we aren’t right before God. But I do think the scripture is saying that if we are surrendered enough and crucified in the flesh enough, that our humbleness will force our enemies to shut their mouths.
Of course, humbleness normally comes through complete forgiveness with no strings attached.
- My answer to the forgiveness/humility issue with the person I told you about was to delete 4 years of their hateful, hurtful emails. I guess I was saving them ‘in case’ I never needed proof of the pain I’d suffered at their hands.
But true forgiveness keeps no record of wrongs. It’s gone. It’s under the blood. And so I released this individual completely to Jesus when I let it all go.
- I highly recommend your reading a book by Lewis Smedes called Shame and Grace if you have any issues with reconciling being mistreated by others. It helped me tremendously.
Epilogue: I wrote this post in 2011 before I knew about the Grief Recovery Method and become a Grief Recovery Specialist. When I went through the Grief Recovery Method for my own losses, the person that I wrote about in this post was who I chose to do my relationship graph with. Applying the Grief Recovery tools helped me to complete my relationship with this person.