Sometimes getting what we pray for comes in very strange packagesand dealing with the less-than-loved-ones in our life is one of those packages.
For example, I have written occasionally about the less-than-loved-one in my life. There has been pain and hurt on both sides, and we each strongly feel that it is the other that needs to change, to amend, to do what’s necessary to make the relationship better. And yet here we are at ages 50 and 70 and still not fully enjoying what each other has to offer.
It’s sad isn’t it? Two people with a similar genetic code, who the Lord Jesus chose to put together, can go through through their entire life with hurtful exchanges and, in some cases, downright abuse and never reconcile, never find emotional completeness.
The Grief Recovery Handbook® calls these the “less-than-loved-one” relationships.
I have seen these less-than-loved-one relationships cause tremendous pain, especially afterone of themhas died. Like the aftermath of Hiroshima, their incompleteness leaves them with unrecognizable devastation.
They have stories of abuse I cannot fathom and of rejection far deeper than anything any human being should ever have to suffer, and yet they love. They reach. They care. They take them into their home when they are dying and, in some cases, give up their jobs to care for them.
Yet no reconciliation happens. And in the end, most of the time, the words are still left unsaid, and the emotional pain is still just as overwhelming.
I wonder how it will be with me.
Should my less-than-loved-onebecome terminally ill, willI find it within myself to move beyond the hurtand care for them?
Am I capable of it?
That’s when I realize theliving object lessons the Lord is using to teach me about myself and my less-than-loved one. Through these situations withmy clients, I am learning and growing and seeing myself – and my less-than-loved-one.
That’s why I said at the beginning of this post that sometimes getting what we pray for comes in strange packages.
There is a poem by Annie Johnson Flint that echoes this:
“I prayed for strength, and then I lost awhile all sense of nearness, human and divine; The love I leaned on failed and pierced my heart, the hands I clung to loosed themselves from mine; but while I swayed, weak, trembling and alone, the everlasting arms upheld my own.”
I have beenmaking my relationship with my less-than-loved-one a point of earnest prayer. Oh, I have prayed about our relationship for years, but most of the time my prayers were along the lines of “change her”, or “help me to endure”, or “validate me”.Very seldom were my prayers about changing me or lying no sin to her charge. (Hebrews 13:20)
The type of prayers I now pray for my less-than-loved-oneare for the Lord to letme see her like He does, and to show me His plans for her. To prosper herand to bless her. My prayers for her have become much lessabout how her actions affect me and much moreabout blessing her and helping her to draw closer to Christ.
And you know what? This year, for the first time in at least 10 years, I will spend Thanksgiving with my less-than-loved-one. This is what I meant by prayers coming in strange packages.
Am I nervous? Perhaps a little.
But mostly, I am grateful that the Lord Jesus is giving me an opportunity tomove towards a more complete relationship with my less-than-loved-one.
Are there any less-than-loved-ones in your life? Let’s talk about it.