A quote from a great book by Lisa Terkeurst called Made to Crave jumped out at me today:
“Don’t let people’s compliments go to your head, and don’t let their criticisms go to your heart. The degree to which you do either of these things is the degree to which you’ll be ruled by what other people think of you. And boy oh boy do I know from experience how dangerous it is to build the stability of my identity on the fickle opinion of others”
This really resonates with me because even at 50 years old I still have to remind myself that others don’t define who I am.
APPROVAL
I was always the kind of kid that made it my business to shine very bright and over excel so that I got the teacher’s attention, or as I got older, my bosses attention, and unfortunately, sometimes I even strived to get the pastor’s attention/approval.
Approval was my oxygen. If it was denied me by someone I deemed the OXYGEN GIVER then I would emotionally gasp for air and seriously struggle with that person as if they were intentionally stepping on my air hose.
REALITY CHECK
Of course my actions were ludicrous. But, sadly, they were my reality. And, if I am not careful, they can become my reality again.
The truth is that whoever I set my had no clue I even wanted them to provide me with self-esteem building oxygen. It was my shortfall, my unrealistic expectations that set the whole sure-to-fail scenario up.
In the same reading, Terkeurst also says:
“Be brave enough to accept negative feedback as a possible call to action, but not a definition of your identity. And while you enjoy the positive feedback, refuse to get bloated by it.”
I love that… refuse to get bloated by it.
We all love the compliments. The way accolades feeds our pride and nourishes our self-worth can become almost addictive. Like the post I wrote a while back on PRIDE. Compliments and cravings for affirmations can become our Turkish Delight.
I have learned, through painful experience, that when we give others the power over us to determine our self-worth it becomes an emotional tsunami that dooms us to failure.
Biblical Affirmation
Whenever I find myself struggling with longing for someone else’s pat on the back, I meditate on identity affirming scriptures. Here are a few of my favorites:
“And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:” (Colossians 2:10)
“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” (Psalm 139:16)
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.(Jeremiah 29:11)
***If anyone has other self-esteem building scriptures please share them. I am looking develop my own personal resource***
Prayer
Oh Jesus, help us today to find our true identity in you. To seek affirmation from you alone. To be totally, and incredibly fulfilled by your words and your attention. In Your Holy Name, Amen.