“Take this pain away from me, Jesus… no offense is worth my soul.”

So many times I have prayed this prayer when the thorn of offense pierced my heart.The rejections. The disregards. The exclusions. The back-stabbings. The humiliations. The betrayals.Many have touched my life. Many more may have touched yours. Certainly, every offense known to man touched the incarnate God as he hung on the cross; yet He was able to pray, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”(Luke 23:34)

Christ was able to look on those who hurt Him with compassion and immediately forgive them. But, for the rest of us, letting go of offense isn’t always easy.

As a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, I have seen the pain that life-long offences can cause. Sometimes, even when a person knows they have a terminal illness and will soon be slipping into eternity, they still are unable to let go of past mistreatment and injustice. John Bevere calls deeply rooted offenses like these, the bait of Satan.

“Many are unable to function properly in their calling, because of the wounds and hurts that offenses have caused in their lives. They are handicapped and hindered from fulfilling their full potential. Most often it is a fellow believer who has hurt them. This causes the offense to feel like a betrayal.”-John Bever, The Bait of Satan

What Bevere says is so true. Offenses have the potential to break our spirit, thwart the anointed path of God we are on, and cause the enemy of our soul to lick his lips in anticipation of our spiritual demise. This is why, when I have an elephant-sized offense sitting on my chest, I cry out to Jesus and tell Him, “No offense is worth my soul. Help me. Take this pain away. Grant me the right perspective.”

Offense Teaches Me About Me

Offense, more than any other personal challenge, teaches me what is in my own heart.

Offense has the ability to cut to the chase. To level the playing field. To cause us to come to terms with the lowest, most base part of ourselves. This is uncomfortable. Especially for those who want to see themselves as a super Christian. But, as C.S. Lewis so aptly puts it, “No man knows how bad he is until he has tried to be good.”

When I am mistreated, and my spirit snorts, “How dare you?”,I suddenly become aware of how much pride lurks within me. (Ouch!)And when someone else is given a position I coveted and jealousy is my first reaction, then I know it is time for me to humble myself with prayer, fasting, and extra large doses of the word of God.

Beth Moore’s book, Praying God’s Word,

is one of my go-to handbooks when I find myself needing to come to terms with the flaws in my own heart. Moore’s book is my Battle Buddy. Again and again, I have prayed the specific verses on forgiveness, anger, pride, and other topics until my heart softens.

“This then is how I know that I belong to the truth, and how I set my heart at rest in your presence whenever my heart condemns me. For you, God, are greater than my heart and you know everything.” -Beth Moore, Praying God’s Word

Offense Teaches Others About Me

When our feelings are hurt, we often project the ugliest part of ourselves onto the offending party.

Why?

Because we feel justified.

Think about it. If somebody hauls off and slaps you across the face, you can feel quite justified in slapping them back. You can feel justified in telling everyone around you just how horrible they were for slapping you across the face. You can then moan and wail and throw a fit because, after all, everyone knows that they shouldn’t have slapped you across the face.

But the reality is, others learn a great deal about your heart, your spirit, and your walk with God by watching how you handle being slapped in the face.

So what’s a Christian to do?

We know that scripture says. “Love your enemies…do good to them which spitefully use you…turn the other cheek… give them your cloak and your coat also… confront in love the one that offended you, and if that doesn’t work, get another brother or sister to go with you to try to talk it over.” (Matthew 5:44, Luke 6:27-36, Luke 3:11, Matthew 18:15)

But sometimes, even when we do everything Biblically and humanly possible, we can still feel like we have an elephant on our chest.

It is when, despite my best efforts at reconciliation, when my heart is still wounded, that I pray that desperate prayer.”Lord Jesus, there is no offense worth my soul.”

And I mean it.

What I am really telling the Lord is, I can’t get rid of this hurt on my own, so do whatever you need to do to me to make it right. Nothing is worth my missing heaven.

It was during one of these desperate prayer seasons that I had an epiphany of sorts, and it suddenly dawned on me. Could being offended or not being offended be a choice? A matter-of-fact decision?

I remember Sister JoAnn Yonts telling me one time, not long after her son had passed away, “I have learned not to question God.” What she was really telling me was, I have learned from experience that it is best for me to make a decision not to question God.

So if we can learn not to question God, can we learn not be offended?

Could Offense Be A Choice?

Joseph could have stayed offended at his brothers and missed the God-ordained purpose for his life. Job could have raised his fist in anger at God for allowing all of his children to be killed and all of his worldly possessions to be lost. David could have ended up a bitter and forgotten king if he had allowed Absalom’s betrayal and attempted coup to consume him.

Each one of these men made a choice to let go of their offense.

Joseph reconciled within himself that what his brothers meant for evil, God meant for good.

“But Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in God’s place? “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. “So therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” So he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.”-(Genesis 50:18-21)

Job’s devotional life had brought him to a place of absolute acceptance of the sovereignty of God.

“And he took a potsherd to scrape himself while he was sitting among the ashes. Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!” But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.” –Job 2:8-10

David learned the lessons of compassion.

“So the king stood beside the gate while all his men marched out in units of hundreds and of thousands. The king commanded Joab, Abishai and Ittai, “Be gentle with the young man Absalom for my sake.” And all the troops heard the king giving orders concerning Absalom to each of the commanders.”-2 Samual 18:4

They each made the decision that no offense was worth their soul.

“Our response to an offense determines our future,” Bevere says. And he is right.

What Will You Choose?

Wherever you are today and whatever you are doing, my guess is that offense has touched your life. It is almost impossible to walk this earth and not have been offended at one time or another. My question to you today is what will you do with that offense? Will you feed it anger and continued resentment so that it grows like a cancer? Or will you choose now that no offense is worth your soul, and let it go?

Let’s talk about it. Let’s pray about it. I am praying for you, and am looking forward to reading your comments!